I’ve noticed a narrative in my mind, one that creates a story around what healing must look like:
It has to be messy and ugly.
It has to be in isolation or solitude.
It has to be dark, dreary & painful.
^^ sounds like quite the invitation doesn’t it? ?
So I started asking myself what my own healing looks & feels like ?♀️
BACKSTORY…over the past few months I have been going through what feels like a massive initiation into…hmm..well I’m not quite sure yet, guess I’m still in it ?♀️ ?
Healing to me lately has looked like:
? Communion with family & loved ones in a very deep, present & extended way
I’ve spent many days and nights being with those I love so deeply, having incredible conversations about life, death, humanity, politics, suffering, family and joy. It’s been nothing short of miraculous to spend hours upon hours deep in discussion with those I love.
? Unapologetic rest & nurture of Self ~ which also means caring for others that I love
When my body is under immense stress, I can feel my nervous system soak up alllllllll my reserves of energy in a few short panic’d breaths. The constant overthinking in my mind leads to exhaustion in my body which leads to lack of motivation, trouble concentrating and wanting to either eat all the sugar, or nothing at all.
So, I’ve been spending copious hours resting on the couch, reading some really good heart-opening novels, staring out the window, snuggling with miss dixie (!!) and listening to the nurturing sound of the ocean waves ?
I’ve also been cooking for others (but only when I want to), playing board games with my hunny, doing tasks & errands for others, having extremely hot epsom salty baths & taking long, slow walks in nature.
? Witnessing my own Magic ?
Amongst the hours & weeks I have spent in deep introspection and self discovery, I have come across new levels of my own magic. My ability to love unconditionally, even when I have been hurt by someone, is incredible. My desire for others to feel loved & capable is palpable. And my knowing that I am here as a beacon of peace is profound. I love me. I’m pretty damn magical ✨
So as I reflect on what my healing actually looks like, yes it has the darkness, the sleepless nights, the painful memories, the fearful future visions, the lack of appetite or eating far too much, and the need for quiet solitude with myself.
And it includes my own sparkle and magic, getting dressed up and doing my hair just to go to the post office, running in the forest simply because it makes me feel alive, letting go of commitments that don’t feel right and choosing to seek love in every interaction I have.
My hope is that in reading this you too will notice the magic & sparkle in your own healing, and in the healing of those around you.
May you witness your own ability to dance through the waves of grief, giggle through the waterfall of tears and offer all of you to mama gaia for a deep & transformative cleansing.
May you feel the love that you are, and express that love to all others, even when you struggle to know what that means.
And may you find peace, in all pathways of your life ~ especially the dark ones.
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